FAQs - Relationships
Q. Why Do My Relationships
Suck?
A. Whatever you believe,
you absolutely receive. This concept is crucial to Creating Your Own
Experience.
Many people say, “That’s not so. I believe in my
dreams, but I don’t always get them.”
To this I respond, “Whatever you believe, you absolutely
receive.
You just claimed, ‘That’s not so. I believe in my
dreams,
but I don’t always get them.’, and as a result, you
absolutely receive whatever you believe.
If you think about it, or talk about it, or feel about it, or act about
it in any way other than what you say you want - know that you always
get whatever you energize about it.”
If you wish your relationships to improve, then you only need to
improve your beliefs about your relationships.
More to the point, you wish to energize about it (about your
relationships, or anything you are Creating) only what you want.
You cannot look at your relationships in any way other than that which
you wish to receive.
This is particularly challenging when all you see in your
relationship(s) is what you do not want in the moment.
Here’s what you do.
You make an absolute commitment to see only what you want to
experience.
Let’s take an extreme example:
Imagine you are in relationship with someone who loves to watch violent
movies. You wish to only watch uplifting movies. At one time you may
have enjoyed violent movies with this person. In fact it was something
that you had in common, something you enjoyed together. And now, for
the primary and only reason that watching uplifting movies makes you
feel good, you have decided that you would rather only watch uplifting
movies.
Since you now only wish to watch uplifting movies, every time the
person you are in relationship with wishes to watch a violent movie you
have a choice to make. Your choice is either to watch the violent movie
(a choice that makes you feel bad) or to go do something different (a
choice that makes you feel good).
In relationship to the other person, your choice to do something
different (for the primary and only reason that doing it makes you feel
good) many times to the other person feels as if you are personally
rejecting them.
This rejection is not of them, and this is not a rejection of violent
movies (both important distinctions).
This is only an acceptance of what you want and what makes you feel
good.
Now, if you continue this example to the fullest expression and
experience of it, one of two things is going to happen. Either the two
of you are going to find common ground and grow in a way that supports
each other in feeling good together in your relationship, or the two of
you are going to move farther apart in a way that supports each other
in feeling good out of your relationship.
This is the great reality of relationships in life. There is no loss,
either way. There is only gain for both parties.
When the relationship stays together and works, it works because of new
thoughts, feelings, words, and actions that support good feelings for
both people.
When the relationship falls apart and stops working, it works because
of new thoughts, feelings, words, and actions that support good
feelings for both people.
The question, “Why Do My Relationships Suck?” is a
reflection of a belief that you do not feel good in your relationships.
When you choose to feel good (for the primary and only reason that it
makes you feel good) then your relationships will stay together or
dissolve so that new relationships may form for the primary and only
reason that it make you feel good.
When you approach relationships from this perspective, whether you stay
in a relationship or not is only about you Creating Your Own Experience.
Q. How Can I Have The
Relationship Of My Dreams?
A. This question
presupposes that you
do not have the relationship of your dreams. In fact, you have the form
of relationship that you dream about the most, that is why you are
experiencing relationships in the forms that you are.
The answer to this question is in the very words of the question.
Whatever Relationship you Dream about, you experience.
Like the previous question, you may say something like, ‘That
can’t be so. I dream about my dream Relationship, I just
don’t have it yet.’, and I would say that your very
thoughts, feelings, words, and actions are giving you your exact
results.
God/Life/Energy always and only gives you what you dream and believe.
There is no Source outside of you that says “yes”
to some
of your dreams and “no” to your other dreams.
You are the Source of that which you seek.
You decide what you be, do, have, and experience by your attention to
the actualization of whatever you be, do, have, and experience in your
dreams.
To effectively understand how to Create the Relationship of your
Dreams, we will first look at how most people deny what they want in
their dream relationship:
1. They do not define it
exactly as they want it.
They just hope that the person that comes along is going to meet their
dream ideal, which they have no clue what that ideal is because they
have not defined their Dream Relationship.
2. They do not dream
about it exactly as they imagine it could be.
They more often than not tell themselves that it can not work. They see
a person they would like to be the one, but walk the other way and say
they are never going to meet the person. They beat themselves up, in
their imagination, when they fail at doing something they hardly even
tried in the first place.
3. They do not feel good
about it.
Many times a person does not believe that they deserve what they want.
Every time they appear to be close and nothing happens they energize
that it’ll never happen. They feel worse and worse about
their
prospects of experiencing life fully.
How Can you have the Relationship of Your dreams?
1. Define it.
Define all the qualities that make you feel good in relationship.
Define the caring and sharing you wish to experience. Define the sexual
experiences you wish to experience. Define physical, mental, emotional,
spiritual, and financial parameters you wish to experience in your
Dream Relationship. When you define it, be willing to stick to your
definition, when you see something that very obviously does not meet
your requirements. This you can do by defining the things that are
non-negotiable in your relationship. For example, non-smoking may be
non-negotiable to you, but you meet someone who meets everything else
on your list, and they smoke. If you would move ahead in this
relationship, you will discover that this important point that you knew
about at the very beginning is going to affect how your relationship
plays out over time.
2. Dream about it.
Dream about your Dream Relationship as often as possible. You want to
dream about your dream partner meeting and exceeding your needs. You
want to imagine being, doing, and having joyful experiences. You want
to imagine traveling together, experiencing together, being joyful
together.
3. Feel Good about it.
Feel good about what you wish to create. Feel good about your
relationship coming to you. Feel good about wanting whatever you want
in relationship, or choose a different thought to feel better about
what you dream about. Feel good about everything about your
relationship. If you find yourself feeling bad, keep choosing a
different thought.
By the way, this three step process also works for your current
relationship too. Even if it seems less than dreamy. If you follow
these three steps you will improve your experience of your
relationship. 1. Define It. 2. Dream About It. 3. Feel Good About It.
Your current relationship will improve, or you will peacefully move out
of this relationship and into a new relationship that supports what you
dream about.
Q. Does Karma Explain Why My Life
Is This Way?
A. Karma is a good way to
explain life
after it happens, but not a very effective way to live it while it
happens, in my opinion.
I think that the best way to live life is to be, do, have, and
experience things for the primary and only reason that doing they makes
you feel good.
If the idea of Karma makes you feel worse and more disconnected from
all of life (release it).
If the idea of Karma helps you feel better and more connected to all of
life (use it).
Now ask yourself which ideas (about all of life) make you feel worse
and more disconnected from all of life (and STOP focusing on them).
Also ask yourself which ideas (about all of life) make you feel better
and more connected to all of life (keep them and FOCUS on them).
Q. Is Every Person In My Life
Really My Mirror?
A. YES!
What does that mean?
Every person in your life is a mirror of your beliefs about that part
of God/Life/Energy.
Let’s take a very simple subject to illustrate the mirror
concept: Mom.
You have a whole bunch of beliefs about Mom.
You have a whole bunch of thoughts about Mom.
You have a whole bunch of feelings about Mom.
You have a whole bunch of words about Mom.
You have a whole bunch of experiences about Mom.
All of these beliefs, thoughts, feelings, words, and experiences about
Mom set your Creation Vibration about Mom.
Your Mom is a reflection of your beliefs about your Mom.
Your experience of your Mom is a mirror of your Creation Vibration
about Mom.
We know this is true because you experience your Mom as no one else
experiences your Mom.
Ask yourself this simple question, “Have you ever been
surprised by the way someone else described your Mom?”
I bet the answer is “yes”. I bet that someone has
describe
a characteristic of your Mom that you have trouble
“Believing”. I can not believe you are talking
about my
Mom. My Mom did that? Are we talking about the same person? My Mom?
In fact, this simple mirror example of your Mom, plays out with
everyone in your life.
You have a whole bunch of beliefs about everyone in your life.
You have a whole bunch of thoughts about everyone in your life.
You have a whole bunch of feelings about everyone in your life.
You have a whole bunch of words about everyone in your life.
You have a whole bunch of experiences about everyone in your life life.
All of these beliefs, thoughts, feelings, words, and experiences about
everyone in your life set your Creation Vibration about everyone in
your life.
Everyone in your life is a reflection of your beliefs about everyone in
your life.
Your experience of everyone in your life is a mirror of your Creation
Vibration about everyone in your life.
We know this is true because you experience everyone in your life as no
one else experiences everyone in your life.
Ask yourself this simple question, “Have you ever been
surprised
by the way someone else described someone in your life?”
I bet the answer is “yes”. I bet that someone has
describe
a characteristic of someone in your life that you have trouble
“Believing”. I can not believe you are talking
about
someone in my life. Someone in your life did that? Are we talking about
the same person? Someone in your life?
The wonderful thing about someone in your life being your mirror to
what you believe, think, feel, talk about, and experience, is that you
can change what you believe, think, feel, talk about, and experience in
relation to EVERYONE in your life.
You do this all the time. Some times Consciously. Some times
unconsciously. It is easier to do this Consciously when you see that
every person is a mirror to what you believe.
Q. Why Isn’t My
Spouse/Partner On The Same Page?
A. The answer is in the question.
You Spouse/Partner is not on the same page as you because that is what
you are giving attention to.
1% attention is 100% Intention in the moment.
Your life could be going extremely well for 99% of the things you wish
to Create, but if in this moment you focus your Attention on the 1%
that sucks, you have in this moment effectively put your Creation
Vibration 100% onto the very thing you are Creating (even though you do
not wish to Create it).
Awareness is a great thing. It is through Awareness that you see where
you are placing your Creation Vibration. When you see that your
Creation Vibration is on what you do not want, it is so very easy for
you to place your Attention/Intention/Creation Vibration only on what
you do want because you are Aware that your Attention to Anything Makes
It Real.
Whether your Attention to Anything is in your Physical Now Experience
or in your Imaginary Now Experience, your Attention to Anything Makes
It Real.
The more you realize that you Create All You Believe, the more you also
realize that you can Consciously Choose what you (actually or wish to)
Believe.
If you wish to be on the same page as your Spouse/Partner, Consciously
Choose to See and Believe that which you wish to experience.
Q. Why Are There So Many Bad
People In The World?
A. The answer is in the question.
There are so many bad people in the world because that is what you are
giving attention to.
1% attention is 100% Intention in the moment.
Your life could be going extremely well for 99% of the things you wish
to Create, but if in this moment you focus your Attention on the 1%
that sucks, you have in this moment effectively put your Creation
Vibration 100% onto the very thing you are Creating (even though you do
not wish to Create it).
Awareness is a great thing. It is through Awareness that you see where
you are placing your Creation Vibration. When you see that your
Creation Vibration is on what you do not want, it is so very easy for
you to place your Attention/Intention/Creation Vibration only on what
you do want because you are Aware that your Attention to Anything Makes
It Real.
Whether your Attention to Anything is in your Physical Now Experience
or in your Imaginary Now Experience, your Attention to Anything Makes
It Real.
The more you realize that you Create All You Believe, the more you also
realize that you can Consciously Choose what you (actually or wish to)
Believe.
If you wish to experience more great people in the world, Consciously
Choose to See and Believe that which you wish to experience.
Q. How Can I Change Others In My
Life?
A. Remember To Focus on Your Own Experience.
1. You are Creating Your Own Experience.
2. You cannot Create the experience of another.
3. You can Create Your Experience of Another.
What does this mean?
1. This means that you
are Creating Your Own Experience.
You can look at what you wish to experience in your life and change
your thoughts, feelings, words, actions, and experiences until your
outer experience mirrors your inner experience of your life.
2. This means that you
can not Create the experience of another.
By example, you can try to enforce what you want in your physical
experience upon another. You could impose your rules on another. For a
while that may work. Eventually the other person is going to rebel
against your rules for their freedom.
This is the very same as if someone in your life has imposed their
rules upon you. You are eventually going to rebel until you gain your
freedom.
All of Life expresses itself through freedom.
God/Life/Energy, of which you are a vital part, is an absolute
expression of Freedom. God/Life/Energy is also an absolute expression
of Love, Success, Abundance, Peace, Health, Joy, Freedom, Fun, Wealth,
and the list goes on and on. You are a vital part of that experience.
All of Life moves to express itself through freedom. Anything that is
imposed upon or tries to limit Life, is impermanent by its very nature.
Life has no limits.
As a result, there is no way that you can personally enforce the
Creation in the experience of another through any force or means that
would ever last.
3. This means that you
can Create Your Experience of Another.
You can Change your experience of others in your life through the
transformation of your thoughts, feelings, words, actions, and beliefs
towards another.
By example, you could stop seeing a person (your teenage child for
example) in your life as unhelpful around the house, and you could
start seeing them as seeking more freedom. Through helping less with
the chores, they are working to free themselves of the restriction of
your rules.
When you approach them, your Creation Vibration is much changed. No
longer do you communicate from a place of what is lacking in the other,
but what is abundantly present in the other.
The goal of Creating a household where everyone helps with the chores
of the household promotes freedom for everyone involved. With this as
your Creation Vibration, your ability to Create Your Experience of
Another is much improved.
This is Your Experience you are focused upon, not the other’s
experience. That is you focus upon thoughts, feelings, words, actions,
and beliefs that allow you to experience the other person in a way that
feels better and all of a sudden Your Experience Of Another changes.
Q. Why Do I Struggle To Say
“Yes” Or “No” To Others?
A. We often struggle to
say
“yes” or “no” to others when we
are concerned
about what another feels over what we feel.
I recommend the 7 Relationship Rings as a model for decision making.
When any decision comes forth, I can easily choose what I want when I
start from my Core Relationship and Work out into the other
Relationship Rings.
By Example, when I have been asked, “Can you work for me on
Saturday?” by someone in my Friends and Work Relationships
Ring
many thoughts may go through my mind that would encourage a struggle ...
“They worked for me the last time I needed a day
off.”
“I have said ‘no’ the past two times.
This will reflect badly on my performance review.”
... and on and on with possible thoughts about this situation.
However if I take this question and ask it in my Core and work out, I
find it very easy to answer the question.
1. Core Relationship
Ring with God/Life/Energy
“Can you work for me on Saturday?” That feels
alright to me. I could work for them on Saturday.
2. Intimate Relationship
Ring
“Can you work for me on Saturday?” There is nothing
that we have planned. I could work for them on Saturday.
3. Family Relationship
Ring
“Can you work for me on Saturday?”
There’s a baseball
game I promised the kids we’d go see. The answer is
definitely
‘no’.
This example shows how the Relationship Ring Model works.
The biggest challenge this question addresses is around how you are
feeling when someone asks you something, and immediately in your Core
Relationship with God/Life/Energy you are sensing or feeling your
discomfort or bad feelings (“I don’t want
to”)
The biggest struggle between saying “yes” or
“no” is choosing your feelings first over the other
person’s feelings. Using the Relationship Ring Model, it is
obvious to see that Joy works from your Core outwards. If there is no
Joy in your Core, there will be no Joy in your Intimate Relationship
Ring, and no Joy in your Family Relationship Ring, and all the way out
in your world.
Always make decisions with Feeling “good” as your
guide from your Core outwards.
